It's been a tough week

Three times this week I stood in the room while the doctor delivered the news. Lymphoma, melanoma and a brain tumor. Three days in a row I watched the emotions run across the faces of three very young individuals and their family members. Three days in a row I had to step in after the doctor left the room and explain what we needed to do next. I almost felt responsible for their grief but I know the images I took could save their lives. We might have caught it in time. We might have.

Sleep

Last night I slept about 10 or 11 hours. Tonight I went to bed early because I needed to get up early to take Dad to have eye surgery. I even took something so I could go to sleep. Here I am at four am wide awake. I think I slept about five hours tonight. Elusive sleep is so frustrating. One of these days I hope to be on the same schedule as the rest of the world. Work during the day, sleep at normal hours. For now, I'm here wide awake at four am.

You know, I'm going to leave that paragraph above. One thing I have noticed lately is my negativity. I don't know where it's coming from but I don't like it. I don't want to be Negative Nancy. I want to be a positive person in all situations. This is the main thing I'm asking God to work on right now in my life.

Dreams

Most of you know my history of crazy dreams. (Kidney bean river) So this will not come as much of a shock. I had a dream that I was shot in the chest seven times and lived. I was working at a medical clinic of some sort and I went out to the lobby to put some blankets in the blanket warmer. In walked a very large scary man who immediately pointed a gun at me. I threw my hands up in the air and he shot me. Seven times. I fell over, passed out and woke up in the ER. They decided to leave the bullets in me because they were only the size of bbs or however you spell that. And I walked out of the ER like nothing had happened. I do have to tell you I was under the influence of Nyquil.

Good moods

I woke up kinda groggy today but now I'm in such a good mood! Maybe it's because I've been off sick since Monday and have caught up on some sleep. Who knows? I did get to see Corey yesterday, that always brightens my mood.

Today I've been calling apartment places in Paris, TN. I reconnected with a friend who sent me a very helpful link and some good advice. So now I'm looking at houses for rent in Paris. Again, that's TN, not France. I wish. :o)

I'm counting down the days until our wedding. 86 to go! Whoa. That's scary and sooo exciting at the same time. Only 86 days left of the life I've known. Then I get to start this crazy adventure with Corey. I'm pumped! I see friends that have gotten married and how happy they are and I am blessed to have such good examples surrounding me.

Sickly

So I went to the doctor yesterday. He ran four lab tests. All negative. Strep, flu, mono and CBC. I have a virus that mocks the flu. That's right, a virus. No treatment for a virus. :(

Anyway, I'm holed up in my apartment. I was supposed to go see Corey today. He's being a good fiance and coming to see me instead. I hope he doesn't catch what I have.

Home

I've realized in the last few days that I haven't felt comfortable and "at home" in several years. I guess the last time was before I graduated high school. I feel like I'm a visitor even now in my own apartment for some reason. I can't wait to start a home with Corey and feel like I'm home and safe and can completely let my guard down.

Do you feel at home where you are?

Valentine's Day

Today was my first wedding shower. I could not have asked for a better shower. I feel so blessed to have these women in my life supporting me and loving me. I love this picture of the girls laughing. So sweet.





Opening presents with Jen by my side and Carly at my feet. Don't you love the daisies??







This is my poor melted GIANT Hershey's Bar with Almonds that my sweet Dad gave me for Valentine's Day. This is pretty much the only way I'll eat a Hershey's Bar. With almonds, not melted.






I spent the rest of the day at home with the family watching Tru TV and making spaghetti. I was reminded today that God knows me and knows my heart. He knows what I need before I do. WAY before I do. I am rich indeed.

Gross

I had to post so dead fishies weren't the first thing we all see on my blog. G-ross.

I have now worked out for three days in a row. This is a huge accomplishment for me. I usually give up after two. :o) Seriously, I'm proud of myself. I'm so lazy when it comes to exercising. I do have to say I have really looked forward to my workouts this week. I like it.

I met with my wedding planner yesterday and I feel so much better now! She gave me a checklist and I have most everything planned already! I secretly LOVE lists and checking things off. Ok, so maybe that's not such a huge secret.

Things at work are good just a little scary. They've been letting us go home early if we're not busy and it's added up to about a 5 hour cut per pay period. I just hope things don't get any worse. I'm praying I can hold on to this job!

That's all the updating I have time for right now!